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CHAPTER V: Dead Man Walking Staring at a ventilator makes you question everything. With each force of air, I tried to consider how we got here: he was dying and I was struggling with bouts of suicidal ideation. “You have to live for your kids,” was usually the only resolution anyone ever offered. Sometimes, “Accept […]
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CHAPTER IV: Sometimes They Do That “You may want to step out,” the doctor warned. She smiled, like doctors with bad news do, and I took a step back. The nurses gave a quiet count to three and with a gentle tug of a thin sheet, pulled his body, with wires still attached, to its […]
Chapter III: That Hospital Chair I wasn’t pregnant long enough to have stretch marks. The baby didn’t grow. Didn’t eat. Didn’t thrive. All of the bloodwork made my arms sore. Vaginal suppositories. Vitamins. Morning sickness. None of it mattered in the end and we found ourselves enduring an at home birth over the toilet. “Whatever […]
CHAPTER II: He Rolled Smoke He rolled smoke every morning. Our garage was a maze of stashed pipes, lighters, and small plastic bags. He tucked beer cans in between broken stems and a trail of discarded seeds followed him around. Weed kept him loose. Weed was the smell of his beard and the inside of […]
CHAPTER I: Rock Bottom I never expected him to die. There were times I thought it would be easier if he was dead. I even admitted it in a very well populated Al-Anon meeting, I dunno. I guess if I got the call he was dead, I’d be relieved. I know that sounds fucked up, […]